Election Night Counting Frustration

All I have to say about the election is that some states are really slow at counting. I think that maybe to help with the next election we should spend some federal dollars on counting programs in the public schools to help people count faster. I just don't understand why it takes people in New Hampshire so long to count, I guess they're just special, and they want a pudding cup.

In other news: I have been told that I am a dead beat blogger and email checker. But let the record show that I blog at least 4 per week, and check my email at that same rate. Also I would like to present Peoples 34 : "The whale is a mammiferous animal without hind feet." Baron Cuvier. Has anyone eaten whale? I can't say that I have, but I sure want to see one up close, and possibly swim with it, or harpoon it. Or maybe just hold a harpoon, or be cool enough to be someone who gets to use something cool enough to be called a harpoon.

"If you make the least bit of noise," replied Samuel "I will send you to hell."

At one point in my life I thought it would be cool to be called a warlord.

Corn Maze Scare Tactics

Tonite I went to a Haunted Corn Maze. I was excited, because I was thinking that it was one of those places that they say is really haunted, but I soon found out that what they meant by "Haunted" was that it was filled with high schoolers. It was still fun though. It was real muddy, cause its been raining for the last couple of days, so people (high schoolers) were falling all over the place. I guess it wasn't only high schoolers. When we were just getting started this family of like 8 came tromping through the corn. They seemed to be pretty frustrated, and bitter. Since we had been slipping a little bit we asked how it was up further. The mother answered and said, "It only gets worse, I've fallen twice!" in a voice that implied a disbelief that someone of her calliber would fall in the mud. Thinking back on the situation, I realize now that this family wasn't so concerned about the mud as their failure in the maze. I should have said, "HAHA You're just mad cause you can't find your way! You suck! LOSERS!"

They probably went and got mad at the kiddies who were running the joint and got their money back. It's not like you didn't know was muddy when you went in.

Fortunately, we made it through without falling once, and towards the end we just followed the kiddies around and got out. Then I told them, "Muddy people suck too, like corn!"

I said profanity today. Loud.

I walked to work tonight from Borders where I dropped off the car for my wife. I enjoy the walk because I can put on my headphones and just zone on some Tom Petty. Tonite was a nice night for a walk. It was about 10:45 and I could see the snow-covered mountains clearly even under the overcast. Anyway, so I'm walking listening to Petty, and all of a sudden as a walk past bushes I feel, what I think to be paws push on my arm. At the same time I heard through the music what I took to be a bark, or growl. I jumped, and sprang forward a couple of quick steps and turned around, thinking I would be face to face with a large dog. It wasn't a dog at all, it was a stupid punk kid (probably middle school), dressed all in black with a Scream mask on. I was still tense and on edge from being startled, and he started laughing. I don't really know what came over me, but I looked right at the kid with my eyes still wide and pointed my finger at him, then in a very firm loud voice I said, "F*$^ YOU, DUDE!". While I was saying this I became aware that my face felt funny, like I was making a wierd expression. It felt like my chin was tightly flexed; afterwards all I could think of was Harrison Ford when he has something serious and urgent to say. Well anyay, the kid didn't respond, and I kind of came to my senses and shook my head and said, "S*&%, Man!". The kid bolted at that, and I stared for a minute, still dazed, before I turned and finished my walk to work.

There is no other news.

Drinking a Coors ... NA That Is

So here I am at 10:45 PM listening to Paul's Boutique, drinking a Coors, doing my wife's homework, and feeling good. Riding high. Walking tall, what else can I say. I guess this was just one of those moments when I realized that life is good. The Red Sox won the World Series, which I glad of, even though they beat St. Louis. Auburn is number 3 in the nation right now. I have good job that I like. I make enough money to be able to afford Coors every once in a while, or Sangria, or Kool-Aid. I have a new car, and I even own about $1000 of it. I have the internet, and cable TV with the little tv guidy thing.

Well, like the Beastie's said, "Looked out the window, seen his bald head, ran to frig and pulled out an egg."

La Isla Bonita

The word on the street is that the eighties are back. At least that's what Guy Spangler told me on his "music program" last night around 3 AM. His "program" ended with an offer to sell me several CD's filled with classic eighties hits. It was tempting, but then I remembered that I wouldn't have to worry about buying another CD in my life if it hadn't been for those nasty record execs that shutdown Napster. Obviously I got angry and turned off the TV and swore off the eighties and their hair bands.

I decided that having money is not nearly as fun as having stuff, so I've decided to spend every last cent I have on some sort of souvenir, novelty, or party trick. Or fake dog poop.

This isn't the Howard Johnson.

The Cat in the Boy Suit

I don't want to be a ruiner, but I have some things to say about the Grudge. I agree with the Smeagol when she said it was a bunch of the conventions in The Ring that were scary except there were a lot more of them. I think you see the decomposed crawling girl too many times to be real scared at the end. It is another story with the cat boy. I liked his character because it was the embodiment of the simple cat from outer space and the more complex issued cat from La Mancha.

Anyway.

Poem of the Night

There is a fear
In the curtains
It scratches the walls
At night, and creaks
Towards your bed
Softly tapping, ... softly.

He is nothing corporeal
And will not bring
You to great harm
If you keep on sleeping.

If you toss, if you turn
He will poke with
Needle long and dull.
Then you will wake
With bruises red,
With deep scarlet
On your sheets.

You will wake
And you'll be dead
For an instant
When you hear
Him coming ... back

18 Sept