Corn Maze Scare Tactics

Tonite I went to a Haunted Corn Maze. I was excited, because I was thinking that it was one of those places that they say is really haunted, but I soon found out that what they meant by "Haunted" was that it was filled with high schoolers. It was still fun though. It was real muddy, cause its been raining for the last couple of days, so people (high schoolers) were falling all over the place. I guess it wasn't only high schoolers. When we were just getting started this family of like 8 came tromping through the corn. They seemed to be pretty frustrated, and bitter. Since we had been slipping a little bit we asked how it was up further. The mother answered and said, "It only gets worse, I've fallen twice!" in a voice that implied a disbelief that someone of her calliber would fall in the mud. Thinking back on the situation, I realize now that this family wasn't so concerned about the mud as their failure in the maze. I should have said, "HAHA You're just mad cause you can't find your way! You suck! LOSERS!"

They probably went and got mad at the kiddies who were running the joint and got their money back. It's not like you didn't know was muddy when you went in.

Fortunately, we made it through without falling once, and towards the end we just followed the kiddies around and got out. Then I told them, "Muddy people suck too, like corn!"

I said profanity today. Loud.

I walked to work tonight from Borders where I dropped off the car for my wife. I enjoy the walk because I can put on my headphones and just zone on some Tom Petty. Tonite was a nice night for a walk. It was about 10:45 and I could see the snow-covered mountains clearly even under the overcast. Anyway, so I'm walking listening to Petty, and all of a sudden as a walk past bushes I feel, what I think to be paws push on my arm. At the same time I heard through the music what I took to be a bark, or growl. I jumped, and sprang forward a couple of quick steps and turned around, thinking I would be face to face with a large dog. It wasn't a dog at all, it was a stupid punk kid (probably middle school), dressed all in black with a Scream mask on. I was still tense and on edge from being startled, and he started laughing. I don't really know what came over me, but I looked right at the kid with my eyes still wide and pointed my finger at him, then in a very firm loud voice I said, "F*$^ YOU, DUDE!". While I was saying this I became aware that my face felt funny, like I was making a wierd expression. It felt like my chin was tightly flexed; afterwards all I could think of was Harrison Ford when he has something serious and urgent to say. Well anyay, the kid didn't respond, and I kind of came to my senses and shook my head and said, "S*&%, Man!". The kid bolted at that, and I stared for a minute, still dazed, before I turned and finished my walk to work.

There is no other news.

Drinking a Coors ... NA That Is

So here I am at 10:45 PM listening to Paul's Boutique, drinking a Coors, doing my wife's homework, and feeling good. Riding high. Walking tall, what else can I say. I guess this was just one of those moments when I realized that life is good. The Red Sox won the World Series, which I glad of, even though they beat St. Louis. Auburn is number 3 in the nation right now. I have good job that I like. I make enough money to be able to afford Coors every once in a while, or Sangria, or Kool-Aid. I have a new car, and I even own about $1000 of it. I have the internet, and cable TV with the little tv guidy thing.

Well, like the Beastie's said, "Looked out the window, seen his bald head, ran to frig and pulled out an egg."

La Isla Bonita

The word on the street is that the eighties are back. At least that's what Guy Spangler told me on his "music program" last night around 3 AM. His "program" ended with an offer to sell me several CD's filled with classic eighties hits. It was tempting, but then I remembered that I wouldn't have to worry about buying another CD in my life if it hadn't been for those nasty record execs that shutdown Napster. Obviously I got angry and turned off the TV and swore off the eighties and their hair bands.

I decided that having money is not nearly as fun as having stuff, so I've decided to spend every last cent I have on some sort of souvenir, novelty, or party trick. Or fake dog poop.

This isn't the Howard Johnson.

The Cat in the Boy Suit

I don't want to be a ruiner, but I have some things to say about the Grudge. I agree with the Smeagol when she said it was a bunch of the conventions in The Ring that were scary except there were a lot more of them. I think you see the decomposed crawling girl too many times to be real scared at the end. It is another story with the cat boy. I liked his character because it was the embodiment of the simple cat from outer space and the more complex issued cat from La Mancha.

Anyway.

Poem of the Night

There is a fear
In the curtains
It scratches the walls
At night, and creaks
Towards your bed
Softly tapping, ... softly.

He is nothing corporeal
And will not bring
You to great harm
If you keep on sleeping.

If you toss, if you turn
He will poke with
Needle long and dull.
Then you will wake
With bruises red,
With deep scarlet
On your sheets.

You will wake
And you'll be dead
For an instant
When you hear
Him coming ... back

18 Sept

Those Borders Goons

Caution: This blog my contain material that will be offensive to those who like big bookstores, coffee, "intellectualism" without regard to the physical aspect of life, and those who want to be those type of people. Also this blog relies heavily on unfair stereotypes, so please accept my apology to those who think they are excluded.

So I went waltzing into the local Borders today and got a whole bunch of weird looks from all the "intellectual" soft handed nay-sayers that dress up and go out to eat at the Cafe. These thirty-something females with their up-wards of sixty year old men friends must have thought that I looked funny in my running clothes with my face red still from my run. I guess I should have walked in with a Bowfles shirt on, or with liatards from my Pilates.

I would be more angry if Borders didn't pay my rent each month, but these type places are such a haven for the fakers.

Anyway, you get the picture. I decided against writing more. Suffice it to say that from now on I will wear the poorest, most unhip clothes to said store in hopes of unnerving the bloomers, and causing them to think that their haven is under attack by the proletariat.

Shopping Cart

Cottage Cheese $2.00
Ricotta Cheese $2.69
Medium Cheddar Cheese (2 lbs) $6.49
Parmesan Cheese $2.57
Mozerella Cheese $3.17

Having all the cheese for lasagna and some sandwiches $16.92

Getting to buy five types of cheese in one trip to the grocery store

Priceless

Recent needle punctures

So this weekend I got to give a bunch a shots. It was nerve-racking because as a former resipient of shots I know how much they can hurt. Now I was the one putting the hurt on someone else and I just felt kind of bad. Then I had to get a shot and didn't feel bad for anyone.

I hung some pictures in my house today, and made french toast for breakfast. It was good. I put actual vermontian syrup on one, and lemon yogurt on the other three.

Has anyone heard of Tomcats Screaming Outside?

I have to work tomorrow.

Historic 51st Post

Obviously this is a day of great celebration at my home. It is not everyday that one gets to post his 51st Blog. So without further adieu here it is:

Yesterday I played Battleship for the first time in a long time and it was pretty fun; I also played Jenga, Chess, and Hearts. It was quite the fun time at work.

I also decided that I will no longer support Travelocity.com. I called their customer support line to ask about a credit transfer on some tickets. It was obvious from the start that the customer service rep that was helping me was not a native english speaker. I thought, "Well that is ok." When I was transferred to another rep I thought, "This might go better." I quickly realized that both of the reps had english as a second language, and though they might be quite adept at helping people from their native country they could scarce understand me. This lead to me becoming frustrated and vowing a boycott on their services, because of their greedy outsourcing. Also it pissed me off because they suck at helping me. I would invite all who read this to join my global fight against the outsourcers.

Well, I also realized that I don't really have Halloween weekend off, I forgot that I took a couple of shifts for a guy.

Aw Nuts

In Other News

I ate some pizza this evening for dinner, because it seemed to be the popular thing to do, and I always do whatever is popular.

I had an exciting day at work today. I got to put someone in a time from which they could not escape, which was the whole point. It was quite a rush. I also got to make coffee, change newly dirty sheets and clothes, and watch someone cry. It was exhausting.

Later in the day I got to watch Law and Order. The one where Jack's old assistant is found to have manipulated some evidence so she could help Jack get a promotion. Also in the episode the viewer finds out that Jack is sleeping with Claire. The viewer also realizes that he has seen this same episode several times, and while it is not so bad to watch Simpsons over and over, Law and Order for the third or fourth time is not as good, like a piece of home-made bread that sat out after being cut.

That reminds me that home-made bread is very good especially right out of the oven with some butter.

New Evidence in GO-GURT Conspiracy

I know this is all over the news, but today on the cover of the Wall Street Journal the headline read, "Go-Gurt All the Rage". In my mind this is the greatest tragedy of the year. I read another, supposedly unrelated article on B12 titled "President Names Spork National Utensil". The connection was clear enough to me. The maniacal Spork Lobby has finally succeeded in their quest to do away with the spoon. Last week unknown to most of the world, the Spork Lobby pushed a bill through Congress that put Go-Gurt on to the presidents plate for the first time. It was expected that it would take several months for the president to agree with Go-Gurt and 'Lose the Spoon'. It seems that his reaction has been quicker than anticipated as he quickly passed Resolution 90-9URT which made it illegal for a spoon to be used in the Oval Office, the US Senate, and the hotdog stands surrounding the Washington Monument.

No one here in this office quite knows what to make of these developments, but the history books will record them as the most lasting contribution of this administration.

In the morning

I am going to eat with my sister in the morning. I think I will have a ham and cheese omelet. If I am lucky it will be full of fake ingredients and fat, but it will taste really good. I've decided that it is no use to fight against "low-carb" diets. Dr. Atkins wins.

Otherwise, I worked a double shift last night, and I'm not tired because I slept until 1 PM today. I think I'll try playing a video game to pass the time.

Possibly this week I will start buying components for my new computer which I will name "Brother Numsee".